Chapter 1: The Headline That Should Come With a Laugh Track So, the Social Security Administration proudly announces a 2.8% cost-of-living adjustment for 2026. Cue the confetti, pop the sparkling prune juice, and let the bureaucrats pat themselves on the back. A whole $56 a month ! Wow. Don’t spend it all in one place, folks — unless that place is the grocery store, because that’s about what your milk, bread, and eggs went up by since Tuesday. And they call it a “raise.” It’s not a raise. It’s a reimbursement for being alive in a system that’s trying to kill you slowly. Chapter 2: Inflation’s Evil Twin — The COLA Delusion They love to say this COLA “helps retirees keep pace with inflation.” Yeah, and a tricycle helps you keep up with a Formula One car. Inflation already sprinted past you last year. You’re just getting a participation ribbon. The government waits a year to calculate how much prices rose, then tosses you a few crumbs while rent, gas, and insurance dance the cha-...